Why You Are So Hard on Yourself

THE ALCOHOLIC MONK

Once on Mount Athos there was a monk who lived in Karyes. He drank and got drunk every day and was the cause of scandal to the pilgrims. Eventually he died and this relieved some of the faithful who went on to tell Elder Paisios that they were delighted that this huge problem was finally solved.

Saint Paisios answered them that he knew about the death of the monk, after seeing the entire battalion of angels who came to collect his soul. The pilgrims were amazed and some protested and tried to explain to the Elder of whom they were talking about, thinking that the Elder did not understand.

Saint Paisios explained to them: "This particular monk was born in Asia Minor, shortly before the destruction by the Turks when they gathered all the boys. So as not to take him from their parents, they would take him with them to the reaping, and so he wouldn't cry, they just put raki* into his milk in order for him to sleep. Therefore he grew up as an alcoholic. There he found an elder and said to him that he was an alcoholic. The elder told him to do prostrations and prayers every night and beg the Panagia to help him to reduce by one the glasses he drank.

After a year he managed with struggle and repentance to make the 20 glasses he drank into 19 glasses. The struggle continued over the years and he reached 2-3 glasses, with which he would still get drunk."

The world for years saw an alcoholic monk who scandalized the pilgrims, but God saw a fighter who fought a long struggle to reduce his passion.

Without knowing what each one is trying to do what he wants to do, what right do we have to judge his effort?

* Raki is a Turkish unsweetened, anise-flavored hard alcoholic drink that is popular in Turkey, Greece, Albania, Serbia, and other Balkan countries as an apéritif.

Why did I tell you that story? Wasnt that about not judging other people?

Why yes, yes it was.

But, often times, it’s ALSO the way you judge yourself, subconsciously. In other words, you are both the monk that died, and the monks that judge him, but to yourself.

You think of yourself, and treat yourself so harshly, that you fail to take into account what issues and traumas you may have gone through. Many of us do not have the capacity to recognize what we have gone through and how those events affect us today. We think we are lazy, inept, dumb, etc.. But, perhaps; what happened to you is the cause…

Consider this, God takes into account, our heart and mind, when he judges us. Not just our actions:

• Psalm 139:1-4: "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely."

• Jeremiah 17:10: "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve."

• Hebrews 4:12: "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

• Proverbs 21:2: "A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart."

• 1 Samuel 16:7: "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'"

• Matthew 9:4 But Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"

So, when you are self evaluating, you must ALSO take into consideration how God is evaluating you. Don’t just look at your actions, but also look at the cause of your actions. That DOESN’T mean just excuse yourself with “God knows my heart”, He does. But rather, use the heart and mind, and the information that you get from them, perhaps in confession or therapy, to rightly judge yourselves.

In 1 Corinthians 11:28-31, Paul advises the members of the church to examine themselves before partaking in the Lord's Supper. He emphasizes the importance of self-judgment to avoid being judged by the Lord. Specifically, verse 31 states, "But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment." This passage underscores the necessity for self-reflection and personal accountability within the Christian community.

In his letters, Paul emphasizes the importance of self-examination and personal accountability. He advises believers to judge themselves honestly and critically to ensure they are living in accordance with their faith. Paul underscores that self-judgment is a form of spiritual discipline that helps individuals recognize their own shortcomings and make necessary corrections.

Judging yourself is NOT merely treating or viewing yourself harshly, but looking at yourself through God’s lens (as much as is possible).